


chase two girls, lose the one

by naturalsunlight



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/F, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25528843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naturalsunlight/pseuds/naturalsunlight
Summary: And when I felt like I was an old cardigan...August slipped away into a moment in time, 'cause it was never mine...Slept next to her, but I dreamt of you all summer long...
Relationships: Kelley O'Hara/Emily Sonnett, Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett
Comments: 20
Kudos: 49





	1. but i knew you, playing hide-and-seek and giving me your weekends

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from cardigan - taylor swift
> 
> ok so i've had this song on REPEAT but i couldn't really figure out a way to make it a happy ending, so i'm writing the teenage love triangle as the queen described the three songs this fic's based upon.
> 
> i really hope y'all enjoy.
> 
> typos are probably there, as always

She's never home.

Ever.

Weekends, maybe, but those were rare. You understood. Portland's far. 700 and 60-some odd miles. That's far.

It's not like she's making a conscious effort, either. Too many calls left unanswered when you knew she was awake, or too many FaceTimes cut short because God knows what. But you love her. So much. And denial's easier than the alternative...

Everyone's waiting for the engagement photos. For the wedding invites, and housewarming party, and baby shower. You're waiting too, but in different ways.

* * *

You've been together forever.

Since she was a kid fresh out of college. All bright-eyed and ready to take on the world. You fell in love with her, quickly, without a regret in the world. To say that now...

The early days were the best moments of your life. You'd go out to a bar with her, laughing and dancing and flirting and doing anything you wanted, because you were in that honeymoon phase of a relationship. With her hipster style, wearing thrifted clothing that you absolutely adored. It always looked better on her, but maybe that's bias. It was always, always fun. You were young --her even younger-- but you don't think that matters. 

You fall in love, one of those days.

You remember the moment you knew you were in love clear as day. The jeans she was wearing, the chill in the air, the way the soft glow of the streetlight made her look--

Perfect.

She looked perfect. You took a mental picture, to stow away forever.

(Now, well, you'd wished you had ran out of storage.)

She took you home that night, hands slipping under your sweatshirt before the door to her apartment is even closed.

You. Love. Her.

* * *

She comes home for two days. Not even a weekend. You're working, obviously, and you're confused as to how she's able to skip out on two days of work. But honestly, you don't give a shit, because she's here. At home. And you feel complete...

... for about 12 hours.

You're not trying to be nosy. At all. But--

She's in the shower, and left her phone on the nightstand, unaccompanied, unlocked.

It's honestly humorous how your picture fills the background, while the contact of a girl you don't _really_ know fills the foreground. And the message there, God, it kills you a little. Almost burns, definitely stings. You rub your eyes and roll back to your side, holding it in.

"She's a friend from work," you'd hear her say after you confront her. You don't believe it, not really, but if she says so...

You're still madly in love with her. Couldn't imagine life without her. Can't imagine growing old with anyone else.

* * *

There was a time when you'd _only_ see her on weekends. She'd have just piles of work to do, and couldn't find any more than two days to go see you. And you didn't mind, because your relationship was built on trust and communication. 

The days that separated each weekend felt like years. You couldn't ever fit in more than an hour long call each day, that's how swamped she was. And you're so, so proud of her, because she's worked so hard for this job, and for this opportunity, that you're willing to sacrifice a few hours a day if it means she's fulfilling her dream. 

And then the weekends came, and you couldn't get your hands off each other. Kissing in shared ubers, in bars, in alleyways. Anywhere and everywhere, you wanted to show the world that she is yours and you are hers. Funny how things turn out...

* * *

The next time she comes to Utah, you don't know what's happened.

There's been a change in energy surrounding you, like how the air pressure drops right before a storm. You can feel it, like an incoming storm. You should get to cover, but there's something so appealing about it.

She says she got a hotel, when you order an uber to go back home. She kisses you goodnight, but something about it seems final, seems forever stained. Like you're a white couch, and she's red wine. She leaves, eventually, but there's always the lingering impression of her on you. It makes your skin crawl.

You're not the jealous type, but you're aware of how often she checked her phone during dinner. How there was always, _always_ a smirk accompanying whatever was more important than you.

Most of the time, you'd only use her location-sharing for emergencies, or to make sure she got home safe while in Portland. And you felt icky for even considering doing this, but this was technically an emergency.

Your heart was on the line.

And you checked, holding your breath, as her location was seen at the airport.

You let that breath out, shaky, along with a few tears and cries.

It makes sense why that kiss felt final.

It's like a dream has finally come to an end, like you'd just woken up, snapping you back into reality.

And there's a sense of naivety in the air, or maybe oblivion, but you feel so dumb. Because you couldn't read the signs.

But you know she's in love with you. Just as much as you are with her. So maybe you're not dumb. Maybe, she just wanted a change of pace. A new, fresh, exciting lifestyle. You can't blame her. She's so young, locked into a relationship with you for what seems like forever. Five years is a long time for someone just barely 27. 

You're not too worried about it. Because this girl -- Lindsey, you've gathered -- is young. Younger than her. And your love, it's not a common one.

You don't believe in that "meant to be" bullshit, but you two...

You really are meant to be.

* * *

She lingers. Not her, physically, because she's fucked off to Portland for the umpteenth time, but her energy, her aura, is suffocating.

A liar. A cheater.

But she doesn't know that you know.

And she doesn't say anything when _you're_ the one intentionally dodging calls and turning off when she's around.

You'd beat yourself up because of all the thoughts she's left you alone with. You've seen this Lindsey girl. She's prettier, taller, more feminine. So what if she was bored of you? Wanted someone close to her age? A million questions in your head, not one could ever be answered.

But with all those questions floating around, you also _know_ her. How she'll always come back. You're so, so sure of it. 

How she'll float away, but always end up back to you. She's the moon, waxing, waning, turning dark, but inevitably -- always -- back. Always shining back down on you.

Because, really, once the thrill of someone new's gone, you love her and she loves you.

You are hers, and she is yours.


	2. i got it real bad, want everything she has

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'cause you were never mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> girl crush - little big town

Lindsey's only been in Portland for a couple months.

Since she decided to pack up her life in France for something more fitting -- less cookie cutter, more free-spirited. Because really, that's all she wants in life. To be her own person, to live her own life, however she pleases.

To make her own decisions.

So that's why, when she finally realizes that, yes, she does in fact have a crush on Emily, she asks her out on a date. And she's so prepared for rejection, probably a little prematurely, that she's shocked when she agrees.

Well, she doesn't agree.

She says maybe, and Lindsey has an extra bounce in her step later that night. The start of a slippery slope, a rocky edge.

* * *

Lindsey's never dated a woman before. Never even considered herself anything other than straight for the majority of her life. But she's never experienced the same thrill with a man as she does with Emily. Except they aren't dating. Emily made that very clear after their first date. She's looking for something fun, not something committal. And Lindsey, she didn't realize what that meant until much, much later. Emily wants a summer romance, says she's leaving Portland after August, so Lindsey lets her have it. Because Lindsey likes this woman, and maybe she can change her mind. Maybe.

And weirdly, without the label of it, they acted very much like a couple. They'd go on "dates", and Emily would take Lindsey home, and it was so fun. Lindsey swears she's never laughed more than when she's with Emily. There's an air of peculiarity with Emily, of wonder, and mystery, and Lindsey's so drawn to it. So keen on figuring out what this secret, it seems like, Emily's keeping from the world. Or maybe from her. Either way, she's determined on finding out.

They're so, so good. It's like one of those cheesy romantic comedies. They'd stay, tangled up in the sheets, as the morning sun turned into the afternoon heat so characteristically tied to August. Emily's almost never in Portland for the weekends, however. Which is weird, but Lindsey doesn't really ever question it. It's not her business. They're a fun little summer thing. Emily doesn't even know where Lindsey's actually from, and Lindsey doesn't even know where Emily's family lives. It's fun, nothing more.

But there's this... this _want_ deep inside Lindsey. Burns low and steady, but as the days go by and the end of their relationship looms ever closer, Lindsey realizes maybe she doesn't want fun...

... And that's when she finds out about Kelley.

And her heart rips in two, or maybe ten. But it's not all for her own sake, no, it's more for Kelley's. She doesn't even know the woman, but can't possibly fathom being left in the dark whilst a partner is sneaking off with someone else.

Lindsey's the other woman. She's the homewrecker. And she hates it.

But while she hates that, she also loves Emily. Loves. She's never been in love. And so she's maybe a little hopeful, a little optimistic, that her and Emily could be a real thing. Because she wants Emily so much. But then the realistic part of her realizes that she will never, ever, be Emily's. Because Emily's got a girlfriend. A girlfriend in a different state, who probably waits for those fleeting weekends that Lindsey thinks feels like a lifetime, while she thinks feels like a minute.

Emily returns, one weekend, and Lindsey must pretend nothing's changed. Because to Emily, it's still just a summer romance. Something that can be swept under the rug, because of her incredible ability of keeping such a big secret. And when Emily refers to them as an "us", it takes all Lindsey's effort to not cringe. To not ask about her weekend getaway, because now she no longer has to worry. Because it's not _her_ relationship she's ruining. Emily is not hers to lose.

So Lindsey makes the most out of the rest of August. 

She used to wait by her phone for Emily to call her, or cancel all her plans just waiting. And it works its intended purpose, but then Emily gets clingy. Like maybe she's more cognizant than Lindsey gives her credit for.

So what does Lindsey do? Now that Emily's clearly not through with her yet, and doesn't know that she knows?

She ends it.

Not extravagantly, not with an explosion of emotions that results in screaming, or yelling. She tells Emily she knows about Kelley, and how she didn't want to be the other woman. How she can't imagine being in Kelley's shoes: trusting someone wholeheartedly for them to go behind your back. And Emily--

She makes it so tough. Because, for starters, she's fucked up two relationships now. And she didn't _have_ to do this, no one _forced_ her to do this. But why does Lindsey feel _so bad._ Like her heart's breaking because the sight in front of her -- Emily in hysterics, crying, pleading, _begging_ Lindsey to stay -- is so desperate. And when Emily asks how Lindsey found out, she says it's simply:

"Your wallpaper. Most people don't have another woman as their wallpapers," And walks out of Emily's life for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these chapters are pretty quick whoops


	3. but do you honestly expect me to believe we could ever be the same?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> second, third, and hundredth chances, balancing on breaking branches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should've said no, taylor swift
> 
> typos are highly likely. pls enjoy.
> 
> (thesaurus.com is my life-saver, my hero, my guardian angel, my protector, my-)

It's gotten cold during the time she's been away. The last of the November sun has made way for the bite of December. The chill in the air, the faint sun poking through gray skies. It's perpetually cold, but somehow you always feel colder. She's usually wrapped around you, not in a different state, with a different girl. You don't even know if she'll be with you for Christmas. Your plan is to go back home, to ignore the questions you already know your family will have for you once you return sans Emily.

You really thought she was going to propose this holiday season. But once your eighth call went unanswered, you kind of figured it out. And maybe this was her way of letting you down easily. Or maybe you two had already split, or were bound to, and you just couldn't let go.

It's kind of silly, now that you think about it, how annoyed you used to get when other girls hit on her. And how you claimed to know everything about her, every aspect of her life because what's her is yours and what's yours is her, but clearly you don't. You've been left in the dark for four fucking months, after all. 

It hurts. Like, a lot. All the time. And you don't want it to hurt. You want the pain and suffering and agony to end. But she won't fucking come home.

Does she even consider you home anymore?

Do you _want_ her to consider you home anymore?

Since when was your love not enough?

* * *

You pick her up from the airport. You do not kiss her, or hug her, or even really talk to her the entire way back to your place. You wanted to blow a gasket when you saw her come out the airport, her bright smile like she didn't - and couldn't - do anything wrong. Like she didn't just spend over two weeks with her other girl.

You're trying to build the courage to just rip the band-aid off, to come forward and just confront her like you should've when you first found out, when she wraps you up from behind and places a feather-like kiss on your cheek. You shudder, stepping out of her loose hold.

"What's goin' on inside that head of yours, babe?" In a scenario where you must choose fight or flight, you pick the former.

"Don't call me that," You bite, and can see the way she recoils. Her face falls, but you can't bring yourself to look at her.

A liar. A cheater.

"Kelley, what's wrong?" Like she doesn't know.

"I thought you weren't due back in Portland for another three weeks." You watch her stammer a response out, but it's more of a meek excuse. "I actually thought you weren't ever supposed to be in Portland again, after August," You muse, voice even and calm, the complete opposite of what you're feeling in this instant.

"Ba- Kelley, I told you. My interview was cancelled. They didn't want me here, so I stayed. Look, I know the distance is hard and everything, but we've been doing this for so long. Why's it different now?" _Because you cheated on me. Because you are actively cheating on me. Because I found out, and you don't know I found out. Because I don't want to do this anymore._

"Are you coming with me for Christmas," You ask, exhausted. You haven't slept well the past few weeks. There's not even a question as to why.

You can see the gears turning in her head, and you're already shaking yours by the time she says, "I don't know, maybe?"

"What do you mean by 'maybe'?"

"I don't know, Kel, I don't really have a lot of vacation days stowed away." She rubs the back of her neck, eyes casting down towards the floor.

"Ok," You say simply, because why try and start an argument now? Of all times? You're just so fed up with all her bullshit, you don't even have the effort to fight. "You can sleep on the couch, if you haven't already booked a hotel." Your feet move to your room, eyes welling with tears.

"Kel-" Her voice is cut short by your slamming of the door.

* * *

You wake up and she's on the couch. Might as well be a good sign she didn't run off. You notice she's not asleep, almost as if she was waiting for you to wake up.

"Kelley, my love, did I do something wrong?" You can't help but cringe. _My love._ A term you couldn't wait to hear during every phone call, and night out, and morning in. She hasn't called you that in a while, you realize.

"Nope," You pop the 'p', sounding non-committal and distant.

"Well I love you." And you can hear the way she's trying to be cute and skate her way by this issue. You don't say it back, just turn around to get coffee from the kitchen.

"Do you want breakfast?" You weren't planning on making her any, asking more out of courtesy than anything. You already had the yogurt and granola out when she comes up behind you and wraps her arms around your torso once again. "What are you doing?"  
  


"I missed you," She whispers into your neck, and you roll your eyes.

"You didn't _have_ to go back. You could've stayed here, Em."

She groans, "Kel, you know I coul-"

"You couldn't have, yeah, whatever," You interrupt, "Did you even try to come back?" She lets go of you, taking a step back so now she's leaning against the island. You turn around and face her, watching her toy with her fingers and take a deep breath. She doesn't even look at you.

"Of course I did." She's lying. The way her voice upturns at the end, the biggest tell-all. Maybe she's forgotten how well you know her.

"When are you going back," You continue, not willing to address the lie. The relieved look on her face making you wish you had addressed it.

"Next week."

"Go back on Sunday." You walk out of the kitchen, grab a sweatshirt and your keys, and head out.

* * *

Your company's given the holidays off for you. Your initial plan was to go back home, but now you find yourself staring at Delta's website, a flight to Portland, Oregon leaving roughly the same time as your flight back to Atlanta. She hasn't called you in two days. You know what she's doing. You know what you've been wanting to do for a while now. So maybe now's the time.

* * *

"Wha- What're you doing here, love?" You can hear the trepidation in her voice. You smile sweetly, placing a kiss on her forehead.

"Just wanted to visit my girlfriend before going back home. Is that not allowed?" You take in her appearance: skin slightly flushed, messy bun somehow messier, inside out shirt. Interesting. "Were you working out before I came?" You ask with fabricated concern.

"Um. Yeah! Yes. Mmhm."

"Well don't let me stop you! Get on with it, I wanna see how sexy my girlfriend is while working out," You say, joyfully, perched up on the edge of her couch. "Actually, hold on a second, it's kind of cold out here. Let me get a blanket!" You begin walking to her bedroom door, when she calls out, frantically:

"There's a blanket out here!" She races towards you, placing herself between you and the door. Odd.

"Baby, the blankets in your room are so much better though! You know me, I get cold easily." It's almost comical, the way her face loses any semblance of color. The way her eyes widen. You're reaching for the door handle when she yanks on your hand, pulling you away.

"No," She says, almost too loud for the minimal distance between the two of you. "I'm, uh, painting my room. You can't go in there."

"Baby," You preen, placing your hands on her shoulders and leaning in to kiss her cheek, leaving your face there. "You don't have to lie to me. I want to meet Lindsey." You pull back, patting her colorless cheek, and entering the room.

And sure enough, when you enter her bedroom, there lies a half-naked blonde.

"Kelley. You don't have to do this," Emily pleads, but you're still staring at the girl in her bed.

"Of course I do, babe. Now, let's all have a little talk. You," You direct towards Lindsey, "Get dressed. Em and I will be waiting."

"Kel, what are you doing?" Emily asks, voice weak.

"I want to have a talk. I thought I made that clear. We're all adults, we can have a talk."

* * *

"Come on, Em, why don't you introduce me?" Emily shoots you a glare. Lindsey looks like she's about to cry.

"Linds, this is Kelley. Kelley, Lindsey," She mumbles. 

"Em, babe, my love, my future, how do you two know each other?" You're fishing. Emily lets out a shaky breath, and Lindsey wipes a tear from her eye.

"We're seeing each other," She confesses, and somehow, after having so much confidence, the confirmation hits you like a pile of bricks. It creates a knot in your stomach, tight and painful.

"How long?" You need to know.

"Kel, please don't do this," Emily's voice breaks, and her hands are shaking.

"How long have you been cheating on me?" As much as you don't want to know, a part of you longs to hear it. To hear the words that establish the end.

"Since August." It's not Emily who says it. "I'm so sorry, Kelley."

You take a second to look at the two of them. To see Emily, head hung in shame and guilt and regret, and Lindsey, who's been crying basically this entire time. Whose face is red, and hands are shaking.

You take another second to do the math. Emily was supposed to move to Utah in September. You were supposed to start the next phase of your lives. And then her job interview fell through. Or, in hindsight, she probably cancelled it. You always thought it was odd that she didn't get the position. She's more than qualified. But maybe it was less of an unavailable position, and more of a change of heart.

"Do you love her, Lindsey? You can be honest," Your voice is calm, soothing. You don't dare a glance at Emily, just watch as Lindsey nods her head.

"What are you getting out of this, Kel?"

"I'm not getting _anything_ out of this," You explain, and your voice is laced with dread. "Lindsey you can leave. I'm sorry about this."

Lindsey rushes out the door, leaving you alone with Emily.

A cheater. A liar.

"So you didn't move to Utah because of her," You muse, seeing everything so much clearer now.

"No. My interview was cancelled. Kelley, I've told you this so many times."

"Stop fucking lying! Oh my god, Emily, just be honest with me," You shout, anger coursing through your veins. She cowers, not expecting you to be this livid.

"In August, she started working at the company. She asked me on a date. Looking back, I shouldn't have even given her a slight chance. I loved you then, and I love you now. It was dumb," You want to interject, but refrain from doing so. "But she was persistent, and so I gave in. And we went on a date," Emily pauses to take a deep breath, "And I wanted it to just be a fun summer thing, because I was already getting ready to move. But then..."

"But then you fell in love with her," You state, because you know it's true. She loves big, and you loved that about her.

"Yeah," She whispers, before clearing her throat, "and then I told the people in Utah I was withdrawing my application. But then she ended it, because she found out about you, and so I was fucked."

"How did you..." And because she already knows where you're going, she answers.

"I told her I broke up with you." You nod, because what the fuck else are you supposed to do? "Kelley, baby, I'm so sorry. If I could redo everything I would. I love _you_ and only you. You're my- Kelley, you're the love of my life. I want to marry you, and have kids with you, and spend the rest of my life with you. _Please,_ baby, please forgive me."

And now you're left with a choice: to accept her apology, and try to work through this, or to make both your lives easier and walk away.

You choose the latter.

You leave her apartment and head for the airport to catch a flight to Atlanta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> depending on demand, i might make an alternate happy soran ending. maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> y'all know where to find me!


End file.
